A New Beginning
by mercs4life
Summary: Shepard chooses to Destroy all synthetics, which leads to her seeing a few people she thought she'd never get to see again.


The air burned through her lungs.

Shepard gasped and stumbled down the catwalk. She could feel her blood trickling down her skin, chilling her face, arms, stomach, everywhere. Her ragged breaths echoed through the room as she worked her way to the pulsing red core.

The child - no, the Catalyst - first gave her two choices: Control or Destroy the Reapers. Given these options, Destruction was the obvious choice. Controlling the Reapers wouldn't help anyone. They would always be at least a little afraid of them. But there there was a third option: Synthesis. She hesitated.

Synthesis sounded like the best choice. The Reapers would leave, organics would be part synthetic and synthetics would understand emotion. The strengths of both, weaknesses of neither. She could save the galaxy - forever. There would never be conflict again - not an intergalactic one, anyway - everyone would understand each other. She was probably going to die either way, but this way she'd die a hero -

But Hackett told her he didn't need a hero. Anderson had said people lose sleep over whether or not she would make it home - something that never even crossed her mind until she heard him from him. Garrus, he - he gave her orders. _"Come back alive," he'd requested. She's thought she'd heard some desperation in his dual-tone voice. "It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you." _Could she be that selfish? Synthesis would definitely kill her, even if it was the best choice for the galaxy, but with Destruction, she could _hope_ there'd be even a slight chance of her survival. The galaxy could - _would have to _\- rebuild.

_Finish the mission, Electra. Destroy the Reapers. _

She lifted her pistol - she was astonished there was still ammo - and fired. _Anderson's smile appeared in her head, full of pride and gratitude. _She fired again. _Legion turned to her, its light shining brightly. _She fired one last time. _Garrus looked at her, eyes full of love, and touched his forehead to hers. "I love you, too." _If she really tried, she could pretend he really was right in front of her.

The red core exploded, and she lost consciousness.

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When Shepard opened her eyes, she was in what seemed like a never-ending black room. There was no light at all; she couldn't even see her hand in front of her face. Despite not knowing where she was or what she was doing here, she didn't feel the slightest bit of fear. The darkness, the ambiguity, it was... comforting. She closed her eyes. The dark and the silence gave her a sense of peace, as if for once, she wasn't what held the galaxy together.

She could have fell asleep, right then and there even in her broken armor, if not for the sudden burst of heat and orange light appearing a few feet ahead of her. She opened her eyes and saw what looked like... a wooden bar? It was fully stocked, with space for a bartender that would likely never show up. There was just enough orange light to illuminate the bar and its accessories; five glasses with alternating blue, green, and purple liquid, and five bar stools to match.

Curiously, she walked towards it - but after one step, she was in front of the first bar stool, blue to match the blue of the drink. She sat in the stool and sniffed her drink. It smelled just like her favorite drink from Omega. She brought the glass to her lips -

"...Commander."

She froze. That deep voice was so familiar. She hadn't heard it in more than three years, but there's no way she'd forget it. Not after the constant nightmares.

She turned to the green stool next to her, and found Kaiden smiling softly while swishing his drink around.

"Kaiden...?"

"It's nice to see you again, Commander," he began. "Although, I wish it were under better circumstances."

She stared at him, bewildered to say the least, as his sipped his green liquid. He looked as nonchalant as if he were back in the mess hall; he was even in his casual wear. How could this be? She had to leave him behind on Virmire - she'd never allow herself to forget it - and he can't be here now unless -

Oh. A pained smirk crossed her face. Maybe she should have chosen Synthesis after all.

"Kaiden... I can't - It's just, I never got -" Why couldn't she just spit it out?!

"Commander, I think I know what you want to say," Kaiden interrupted, placing his half finished drinking on the counter. "And I just want you to know, you don't need to finish. You got Ashley out on Virmire, and you stopped Saren, didn't you?" He didn't wait for her answer as he continued, as if he knew it already. "That's all I wanted. How are you and Liara getting along?"

She grimaced. She never imagined having to explain that she ended up with Garrus while Liara took down the Shadow Broker (granted, she did help), yet here she was. It was more awkward than she could have imagined - but it was a welcomed feeling. She'd never imagined she'd have the luxury of feeling awkward while discussing her romantic involvements, not during this war.

Telling Kaiden everything - about how she felt when she finally saw Garrus again, as she helped him get through losing his team, the times after missions she'd go to the main battery just to hear his voice, how often she'd bring him into battle, being a bit more reckless than normal because she knew he had her six, and how when she saw Liara again, there was something missing, how she struggled to come up with questions that weren't about the mission, how she avoided eye contact even before she realized her feelings for Garrus - somehow, her guilt over dating Garrus behind Liara's back seemed to... ease. Liara had long since forgiven her, and Garrus never judged her for it, but she still blamed herself. Now, though, she realized, the only way she would have gotten through working with Cerberus and fighting the Collectors was with Garrus, and there was no changing that now.

Kaiden looked amused and a little surprised as he continued drinking. "Garrus, huh? That's... surprising, but it seems like everything worked out. I'm happy for you, Commander. I was always a little fearful you would put the Normandy and the needs of the galaxy ahead of your own. You found someone who makes you happy. I'm sure that's all Liara wants as well."

She couldn't hold back her smile, and suddenly she was fighting back tears. She'd no idea how much she'd missed him - just sitting and talking. He was honest and supportive, just like before, and he didn't even blame her for her choices. Maybe it was time she did the same.

She picked up her glass.

"Shepard, maybe you should hold on to that for a second." She could practically hear the smile in his voice. She looked up at him.

"And why is that -"

"Shepard. You're here too, huh?"

Kaiden had disappeared, and in his place, on the purple stool with the purple drink in his hand, sat David Anderson.

She watched him slip away after killing the Illusive Man; he'd made her shoot him and she had to hold back the tears and anger she would have thrown at him. The Illusive Man charged, and she shot him. The dead _thud_ of his body hitting the floor was more gratifying than she could have imagined after the hell he put her through with the Collectors and sending Kai Leng after her. But she couldn't save Anderson.

"You destroyed the Reapers, Shepard." His kind words pulled her out of her reverie. His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her. "I'm proud of you."

She'd listened to all of his notes for his biography he was going to publish. Did anyone else know about it? It was _important_, it _has_ to get out there - but who was left to publish it for him?

"Anderson..." Is this what dying is like? Seeing everyone you were afraid you'd disappointed for the rest of eternity? She preferred the darkness, despite the warm pain of seeing her old comrades' faces one last time.

"It feels like an eternity since I was just able to have a drink with you," Anderson continued. "No worrying about Reapers, no Council... Just you, me, and a drink." He gulped down half his drink. "What do you say, Shepard?"

She stared at him, at a complete loss of words. What could she say to him, her captain, the one who gave her this chance as a Commander, the one who gave her her own ship, her own crew, everything she had now, the one who supported and believed in her no matter what he heard from anyone else - the one who was there for her when she needed her father.

"Anderson... I listened to your biography notes. All of them..."

She didn't know how to continue, but luckily he responded.

"Really now?" He seemed a little embarrassed, but he covered it by gruffly shrugging. "I didn't think anyone would care."

"I know. But..." If these were her last words to him, what would she want them to be? Not about his dad - that topic seemed like a field of land mines - not about war - it was just them, let's keep it that way - maybe the _Normandy_? No, although she appreciated that he remembered she was his XO and included that in the biography. Maybe _gratitude_ would be best.

"Anderson... David. Thank you, so, so much. For everything. For being there when I needed someone to believe in me, for giving me this chance, for the _Normandy_. There's no way I could ever show you how much I appreciate everything you've ever done for me - "

"Well, there is something you could do," he interjected, a kind grin on his face. "Take care of my apartment for me."

She watched him, confused, as he finished his drink. Didn't he realize she was with him for a specific reason? She couldn't take care of his apartment from here.

She returned her attention to her drink.

"Anderson, I can't - "

"You look well, _siha_."

Her eyes widened as she turned to the now blue seat next to her. "Thane."

Thane too? What had she done to deserve this torture? What could she ever say to make anything better after what happened to him? She searched for something to say -

"You finished your fight with the Reapers, _siha_. What will you do next?"

"Thane - I killed him. I killed Kai Leng. That bastard thought he could get away with killing you - attacking us on Thessia - he tried to stab me when I wasn't looking but I was prepared - "

"_Siha_." She stopped and looked at him. "You've done enough. Even you could not prevent my eventual death."

This was all too much, suddenly. She couldn't piece together the words she'd wanted to say to him when he was dying, after she'd finally killed Kai Leng, during Thane's memorial. Everything seemed to be spilling out of her at once. But she wouldn't cry, not in front of Thane, who's already had so much taken from him. She needed to hold it together."Y-you never told me what that meant. What does _siha_ mean?"

He smiled. "One of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu. Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector. You've done much to earn that name. Not only for me, but for every soul in the galaxy."

_He could still say that to her. _He could sit there, after getting murdered on her watch, and tell her she's done enough. She took a deep breath.

"What would you want to do right now, Thane?," she asked. "You've saved the galaxy for the 100th time, and you have the choice to go anywhere - see anything, anyone. What would you choose?"

"I would very much like to see a desert," he responded immediately. His tone was sad, mournful, and yet he managed a smile. "With my son, and my wife."

She could almost picture it: Thane in the desert with Kolyat and Irikah, laughing and simply enjoying their company. In her mind, he would begin to recover from Kepral's Syndrome after being in a climate that was suited for him. They would all walk together, talking about all the time that has passed since the last time they were all together, and plan their future together. Build a house somewhere in the desert, maybe adopt lost children, the _drala'fa_, and give them a new path in their lives.

How she wished she could give that to him.

"Where would you go, _siha_?"

Images of a warm beach with white sand, palm trees, and a cool ocean breeze flowed into her mind. She closed her eyes to try to hold the image; she could almost feel the warm, grainy sand, the sun covering her in its warm light, and then, she saw a tall figure. It held her focus; the tall figure was somewhat hard to make out, but how could she forget the silhouette of the love of her life? He was holding the hand of something smaller, rounder, with stubby little legs -

_I'm not supposed to be here. _The realization hit her like a krogan charging. There was still at least one person who still needed her on the other side. But how could she get to him?

She opened her eyes and Thane was gone. His blue stool and drink were also gone, though she hadn't seen him finish it. The only one that remained was a green stool and its matching drink.

Who would be her last blast from her past? Kaiden, Anderson, and Thane... Three people she couldn't save; three people whose deaths would always be seen as her fault in her eyes. But they had let it go; they never blamed her, not even once. Could she forgive herself? She may have kept the galaxy from falling apart before but she was still one woman. One human. She chuckled. Either way, she'd have plenty of time to think it over. She lifted her drink -

"Shepard."

Ah. The last one has appeared. She turned and saw Mordin Solus standing next to her, and smiled. The great scientist salarian. The genius Mordin Solus, whose ethically ambiguous work on the genophage kept him up at night; during the day, he spoke of his work as the right thing to do, pretending he wasn't the one who needed convincing.

She remembered watching his reaction when he saw that krogan female, dead on the table, realized that the experiments to cure the genophage caused this, and seeing that he never thought of this. He never planned for the genophage to cause this much strife and grief. And he was remorseful. He regretted it. Deep down, he probably blamed himself for it getting this far. How her heart bled for him at that moment.

"Mordin... How are you doing? Have you come to tell me the genophage wasn't my fault? Because I think that's one of the few things in the galaxy I can't blame myself for."

Although, if she had found Mordin earlier, maybe he could have made the cure sooner, before the Reapers came, and he could see at least one of the krogan babies he gave a second chance to -

"Time's up."

She looked at him oddly. "What do you mean?"

"Thought it would be good for you to get closure. Humans seem to carry more emotional baggage than salarians. Gave you some time to see old friends, let them know how you're doing, but you're needed - "

Time for her to leave? That's impossible, you can't just come back from the dead - although, she's done it once already. Who's to say she couldn't again?

But still, that sounded ridiculous. What could she have done to deserve a _third_ chance at life?

"Wait, Mordin, what are - "

"Time for you to leave, Shepard."

She stood in front of him, staring into his large salarian eyes. She didn't know who to trust, or even if she should believe him. But something in the way he smirked slyly, like he knew a secret she didn't, made her want to trust him.

"Why me, Mordin? Out of everyone in the galaxy, all the lives that have come and gone, all the people who probably deserve second and third chances - why me?"

He couldn't hold back a grin. She could guess what he was going to say, but wanted to hear it from him anyways.

"Someone else might have gotten it wrong."

She couldn't hold it back any longer. She let herself laugh aloud and didn't stop the tears this time.

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Shepard sputtered, gasping in a pile of rubble. She panted as she stared at the sky; the light gray clouds seemed to be dissipating into nothingness. It looked like the promise of a beautiful morning after weeks of rain.

The air burned through her lungs.


End file.
